Aslan

I'll update for real very soon but for now, I will leave you with this song that speaks directly to my heart...read it, listen to it!

Aslan by Kendall Payne 

Don't stop your crying on my account
A frightening lion, no doubt
He's not safe, no he's not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?

The King above all Kings is coming down

But He won't say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don't do the deeds you know that He could
He won't think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good

I know you're thirsty, the water is free
But I should warn you, it costs everything
Well, He's not fair, no He's not fair
When He fixes what's beyond repair
And graces everyone that don't deserve

But He won't say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don't do the deeds you know that He could
He won't think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good

No one knows Him whom eyes never seen
No, I don't know Him but He knows me
He knows me, He knows me

Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without His incision, you can't enter in
He cuts deep, yeah He cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind

But He won't say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don't do the deeds you know that He could
He won't think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good

THESE KITTENS ARE FREE IF YOU WOULD LIKE ONE!!!!

kittens, adjusting and new friends

Just warning you in advance...I just finished this post and its a bit random

Well...we live in San Antonio....thats still strange to me....it's so good though!  I'm still looking for a job but most of the time, I feel like I don't even have time for a job...it's weird, I'm not sure how it happens.  I have, however, submitted everything to be a hospital sitter with Pathways Youth and Family services.  That basically means that you get put into a pool of hospital sitters and based on your availability, you get called when a child that has been taken into custody by the DFPS, have been hospitalized and they do not have a family member or case worker that is able to be there with them.  A hospital sitter would go in, take notes and give the child company and reassurance.  It's kind of like the system for substitute teaching...I can accept or turn down any job that I need to.  My heart is for kids in this system, so why wouldn't I want to spend time with a kid that has little to no support or family that can be with him in a time of need.  I'm excited to start but I know that I am about to walk into a lot of brokenness and my prayer is that each kid that I come in contact with would experience the love of Christ, I have no clue what that is going to look like but I do know that the Lord is faithful.  Other than that, I have applied for a million different random jobs (mostly in the social work field) and have either heard that they chose someone with more experience, someone from within or most of the time, I hear nothing at all....it's a bit frustrating but I guess where the Lord wants me and I really do believe that when the time/job comes there will be no question.

Lately, Matt has been very busy with Blood and Fire and he is loving it.  During the summer, they host different church youth groups.  The youth stay for 10 days at a time and put on a little day camp for the kids in the neighborhood and then the rest of their time is spent on building projects for Blood and Fire or families in the community.  The first group left yesterday and a new group came in last night.  It's fun getting to spend the small amount of time that I have with them and remembering where and who I was at that time (they just finished 8th grade).  It's also fun to see in such a short time what the Lord does in many of their hearts, without even talking to them, I see a change in maturity.

Since we've been here, we have experienced beautiful community in so many ways and its not simple or easy but the sweet thing about it is that we are all in it not to just be a part of a church but to experience life together in a way that we are unable to live a life that does not honor God and it go unnoticed...if that makes any sense at all.  The Lord is growing our community in ways that none of of us quite understand yet and it is currently a challenge for everyone but we are continuously reminded that He is faithful.

We have also experienced sweet community through a small gathering of people that meet on Sunday evenings at a coffee shop for a worship service.  It's not a church, just a group of people that live in the vicinity that come together, love on each other, pray together and worship together.  It's so good and so refreshing and so what we need.

So new things are very exciting to both Matt and I but the whole adjusting and finding a new normal is not at all my favorite.  We are here and great things are happening but I still haven't quite found my place.  Matt is happy with where he is at now but after August, the internship is over and a lot is unknown.  So I guess at this point, we're just trying to find our place...we feel like this is the area that we are supposed to be but have no clue about where we will live or what we will be doing.  Renting in this area is a little shady and buying is very inexpensive; however, we're not sure if that is something that we are supposed take on quite yet.  We have a lot of passions and desires but don't really know where to put them...so we are praying for direction.  I am hanging on to Romans 4:17 where it says that God "gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist".  Dwell on the fact that He is able to call into being, that which does not exist --- that's incredible to me and it has become my prayer for everything.  For desires in my heart, for my family, my brother, this neighborhood, the people around me, my community.  He WILL restore and bring new life.

Restoration has been a word that God has brought to both Matt and I individually and I know that His plan for us here has a lot to do with it.  Isaiah 1:17 says "seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow."  This is a verse that we want to live by and to me that doesn't mean to simply give a handout but to actually get to the root of a problem.  I have become very tired of bandaids that are only treating symptoms of a greater issue.  Yes people need food, yes they need a safe home to live in, yes they need a job, yes they need clothing but is the issue the fact that they are lacking these things or is it due to a lack of education (on all levels not just school) or even deeper that they need Jesus?  I think with getting to the root of an issue, restoration will occur.  I do know that it will not happen overnight.  But this is my heart, I'm not sure where that fits into this community but we shall see.

Since living here, my eyes have been opened to many things and more specifically, prostitution.  One of my first nights here, Matt and I were out on the porch with Cash (our dog) and a girl came running down the street, stood on the street corner for a few minutes and then was picked up by a guy directly in front of our house.  This has happened multiple times since then and recently I think it has moved to another street for a while, due to all involved not wanting to be caught.  I cannot sit on my front porch and watch this happen, without doing something.  This is definitely a forgotten group of people that my heart breaks for.  I know that the majority of these women have children and many know, no other way to provide.  So we are praying about how to love these women.  My goal is not to tell them that they are wrong or for them to no get paid, I would love for them to leave that lifestyle but more importantly, I want them to know Jesus and that they are loved and worth so much more.  There are safety issues involved in this type of ministry and I do want to be wise about how we approach it but in the end, I am called to be faithful and I must trust that the creator or the universe with protect me.  Another thing that I don't know how it will play out.

I'm sure you are wondering why kittens are even part of the title of this post.  Well....a few days ago a very malnourished mamma and 3 little kittens decided to make their home under our porch steps.  # 1 they knew the right place to come because i am a sucker for cute things and #2 there is just something about a Mom struggling to survive and care for her babies at the same time that my heart breaks for.  I know they are just cats but I kind of feel like this may be something that the Lord has put in my heart for a reason....

so this was long and random and I apologize but thanks for reading...

So this is all very new to me but such is life at this moment...

I really just started this blog to document our crazy life so forgive me for not being a great writer.  There also may be posts about the things we love...music, people, cooking, crafty things, community....who knows...  

A little update....we've felt for a long time that we were going to be moving from College Station and at first were looking in Austin.  We were SURE that this is where the Lord wanted us...until all the doors closed.  Within hours of everything falling through for Matt, a long time friend of Matt's and the man who married us, Johnny, called and said that God told him to start a church in San Antonio and to ask us to be a part of it.  I immediately said "I don't want to be in San Antonio and I DO NOT want to be a part of starting another church!"  And what is funny is that many times that I am adamant about not doing something is that God so many times brings me to that very place.  So we began praying and seeking direction through meeting with Johnny in San Antonio and others that are already doing things that we would want to be a part of.  We know that there is too much in the bible about serving the poor that we can't ignore so we knew that we wanted to live close to downtown and partner with people doing this as well.

To make a long story short, after a seemingly unsuccessful trip of trying to find jobs and a place to live, a man that we had met with that runs Blood & Fire Ministries in San Antonio called and offered Matt an intern position for the summer and a place to live for very cheap!  So on May 15th, we moved out of our comfy little duplex in College Station, Matt took all of our stuff to SA and I stayed with some sweet friends in CS while I finished out my job.  Since the 15th, I feel like God has been revealing to us what's next, week by week.  For Matt, this is fun and exciting, for me, a little stressful.  I so desire comfort and stability and this is exactly what the Lord has taken from us and simply asked us to be faithful and know that He will provide.  I thought I knew this concept already and I definitely do not completely understand it yet but I'm learning.  At times its rough and I do not feel joyful but thank the Lord for my incredible husband who trusts the Lord way more than I and leads so graciously in that.  Other times I am overwhelmed with joy through the sweet community that we have so been longing to be a part of.

So back to the week by week...during my last week in CS (PS it was rough saying goodbye to an amazing job, with amazing people and precious precious families AND the comfort of insurance, an income and friends whom I LOVE) a tornado tore through the city of Joplin and because Blood & Fire does disaster relief, Matt and I were asked to go.  So we left last Monday (May 30th I believe).  I really feel like I've seen a lot in my life but nothing could have prepare me for what we saw.  It literally looked like an apocalypse ..everything in the path of the tornado was completely leveled for as far as you can see, trees were splinters sticking out of the ground with bark stripped off.  The residential area that was hit was mainly lower income and during the day many residents rummaged through ruble that was once their house in an attempt to salvage pieces of their belongings.  The tornado was a couple miles wide and only moving at 20 miles an hour and typically moves at about 50 miles an hour, so it had a lot of time to completely destroy everything in the path.  I felt helpless...There is nothing that you can say or do to make the situation better and so we prayed and tried to provide hot meals that did not consist of hot dogs and hamburgers.  Tired faces walked through our lines and each had a story about where they were when it happened and how their family faired through the storm.  My heart broke and still breaks to hear countless stories about family members that did not make it and neighbors that were torn out of the their homes by the storm...I can't imagine...

In the midst of all of the terrible pain and destruction, people were so thankful and the glory of God is shining!  Not a single person that we talked to, failed to mention God's faithfulness and their trust that He is our provider.  It's a beautiful picture of Christ being glorified in the midst of destruction

 

pictures don't really do justice 

the pew from a church that as completely destroyed

 The same church

This is from the inside of a church the the back wall was ripped off of

not sure if you can really tell but as far as you can see in this picture, everything was destoyed

the cooks

where we served food with CRI ministries

 

This is the hospital that you may have heard about on TV, the top 2 stories are gone

people were not given enough warning of the tornado and had at most 20 minutes to find shelter

Pray for these people, pray for this town.  There is a lot of messiness that surrounds disasters...insurance companies, FEMA, etc.  Pray specifically that the body of Christ would be united in that city.  There are lots of people doing great things individually but the impact could be so much greater if people would unite and pool their resources.  Pray that people wouldn't get wrapped up in the money that they can get  reimbursed for their amount of volunteers, time and resources.

I sit here, frustrated that our stuff has to get moved again from one warehouse to God only knows where.. and I am concerned that it will get messed up or stolen......I am reminded of the wretchedness in my heart and how much I cling to the things of this world and not to God.  I have WAY more that I will ever need and I still desire more...a house, a consistent pay check, insurance, overall comfort and I am again reminded that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also...where is my heart? Charles Spurgeon said....

"'A garrison is not free from danger while it hath and enemy lodged within.' You may bolt all of your doors and fasten all of your windows, but if the thieves have placed even a little child within doors, who can draw the bolts for them, the house is still unprotected.  All the sea outside a ship cannot to it damage till the water enters within and fills the hold.  Hence, it is clear, our greatest danger is from within.  All the devils in hell and tempters on earth could do us no injury if there were no corruption in our nature.  Alas, our hear is our greatest enemy; this is the little home-born thief" 

And then the Lord reminds me of the joy and beauty of our new home and city...we live with 2 other girls in a huge, beautiful 100 yr old house, we have sweet sweet community already in a week that we've longed for, we have yet to go without anything, our families are close, new and old friendships, sweet neighbors, neighborhood markets and sooooo much more that will try to blog about later.  The Lord is so faithful and for that i have joy and am grateful.

Sorry so long...hope it doesn't take me this long to blog every time...thanks for reading though...